Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
