only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
