I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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