Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
