Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I pour the whiskey from now on
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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