So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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