I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
