She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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