remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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