is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
