All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
