This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
