Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
