They should really pass out barf bags in church
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
