Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
