it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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