Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
