I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
