you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
