So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Still dying that you shit outside
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
