i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
