Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
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