you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Randomize
