im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
