yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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