She announced her abortion via fbk
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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