He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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