She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
