The brown eye won't let me do that either.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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