Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
mondays should just be called national damage control day
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Randomize
