How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
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