I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
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