i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
