bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Randomize
