i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
