goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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