Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
