How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Randomize
