Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
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