How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
