Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
