so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
my being single is dangerous.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
