his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
