I accidentally burped into my bong.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
