Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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