Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
