matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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