I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
