If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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