So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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