i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
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