I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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